By Pam Golden
Pam GoldenLevel: Basic PLUSPam Golden is an author, educator, parent, and grandparent. As an elementary school consultant, she has worked with over 15,000 children, 700 teachers,
"When your child enters middle school - it is one of the most painful times of life and it's hard on the kids too!"
Amy's mom was at her wits end when her daughter's grades took a nose dive soon after she entered middle school. Amy had always done so well in elementary school, what happened?
Amy's mom tried to solve the problem by "laying down the law." Insisting that she come home right after school every day and do her homework immediately. She even checked Amy's work daily. That backfired causing a huge rift in their relationship and endless arguments
Difficulty at school and with parents is a common theme for middle school kids. Yet when you realize the changes a middle school child is going through,it can make sense:
- Bodies are changing (raging hormones)
- Brains are undergoing changes becoming more mature but still lack judgment.
- Desperately trying to becoming independent - to stand on their own.
- Going to a much bigger school.
- Now have lots of different teachers who don't have time to help them
- Many choices about which classes to take, activities to join.
Having gone through that years ago, it's easy for parents to forget just how painful, scary and difficult all those changes can be.
You want to let them go, yet there is no way they are ready to be on their own. In fact, they need your guidance more than ever. They just need a different type of help
It turns out there is a powerful technique for supporting your middle school child to do well and achieve in school. It's called "Academic Socialization." When I first heard that word I immediately thought, "Huh, what's that?" Happily, it's much simpler than it sounds
Academic socialization is making the shift from "telling" your child what to do, to "advising and consulting." By making this change you maintain your ability to influence your burgeoning teen, while respecting their growing independence, and teaching them how to make wise decisions.
Here are the basics:
- Sit down with your middle schooler and gently communicate your expectations for education.
- Explain why education is important.
- Listen to your middle schooler carefully so you can understand their point of view
- Set educational goals together.
- Discuss what he or she wants to do in the future
- Take some time each day or week to show the connection between schoolwork and what's happening in the real world.
- Have regular friendly, open meetings to go over how it's going.
- Make it an enjoyable time together.
It may take some energy to get started, but once you make a ritual of sitting down together and going over the agenda, both you and your teen will be thrilled. You will connect in ways you've never done before.
Also, did you know that one type of praise can produce self-defeating behavior and anxiety, while another can move your kids to positive action? Changing a few words can make a night and day difference in your child's life.
If you like to get started learning how to give praise that motivates positive action while building self-esteem and confidence in your child please download my FREE Report on "The Amazing Impact of Effective Praise" at: http://www.basiclifeskillsforchildren.com/amazingpraise
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