The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children

Most people have more training before they receive their driver’s license than before they become a parent. Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving your parenting goals. If you do not have children of your own, these 10 tips can help you whenever you are around children.

Draw children out to speak about the things on their minds.

You can ‘prime the pump’ by talking with them about their favorite foods, toys, movies, video games, etc.

Verbally reflect the emotions of a child before giving in to your need to teach them something.

Parents are constantly making the error of educating their child when their child expresses pain. “I hate my nose” is often responded to with, “you have a perfectly good nose” and the child is left to feel all alone with what could become an enormous problem for them in years to come.

Teach your child to wait instead of interrupting your conversations.

One technique is to teach your children to lightly touch your arm and to wait peacefully and quietly to be acknowledged by you. Children who interrupt miss a chance to learn to control their impulses and can upset the flow of an

adult’s conversation.

Play little games whenever you see children.

For example, you could put something such as a coin in a hand behind your back and ask the child to guess which hand it is in. This is a way to build a strong connection with a child and make a child feel honored.

Lower yourself physically to a child’s level by sitting down, bending down, or sitting on the floor.

It may have been months since any adult has joined the child on their own level.

Hold and play with a child’s toys or trinkets.

Play is the language of a child. If you stop for even thirty seconds to draw a picture alongside of a child who is coloring, you could become one of their heroes.

Tell short stories to children.

Make the stories up or pull them from your own childhood. Stories can be used to build a connection, to teach a lesson, or just to leave a child feeling better than when the conversation began.

Follow up on the promises that you make to children with action.

Children are usually more hurt than adults by broken promises. Ironically, many people treat their promises to children as less important than their promises to adults.

Sacrifice some of your time to interact with children and to focus on them 100%.

Most adults do not interact with children who are present because the children are not able to meet their needs the way that an adult can. Five minutes invested in the life of a child will pay dividends that an hour invested in the life of an adult may not.

Master the art of Socratic questioning.

This means that instead of expressing facts or lecturing that you ask a question to stimulate the child’s own reasoning process. Socratic questioning opens up a place in a person’s mind for the answer to be remembered. For example, you could ask, “How do you think we could take better care of the puppy?” instead of telling your child what to do.

About The Author

This piece was written by Dr. Clare Albright, Psychologist and Parenting Coach, and author of “100 Tips for Parents of Two Year Olds”

Living With Children

If in a fifty-employee workplace, several employees are misbehaving, one can reasonably assume that the problem lies with the employees. On the other hand, if half of the employees are misbehaving, the only conclusion to draw is that the problem lies with management.

I travel the USA eight months a year talking to a variety of parent, teacher, and professional groups. I probably talk face-to face with more parents about parenting issues than anyone else in my somewhat peculiar profession. From all that I gather, it is most likely conservative to venture that half of America's children are misbehaving in significant ways and frequently so. Today's children are also doing things that would have been unimaginable to parents who accomplished most of their child rearing before the psychological parenting revolution of the 1960s. Case in point: the "hidden" epidemic of children above age 3 who are hitting their parents (especially their mothers) on a regular basis. It's time for American parents to face up to the fact that the problem does not lie within their children in the form of unusually strong wills or genes and biochemical imbalances but rather with management. The evidence supports no other conclusion.

Whether in the workplace or the home, if the problem lies with management, then the issue is leadership, or a serious dysf unction therein. Since the principles of effective leadership do not change from situation to situation, the question becomes: Are today's parents acting in ways consistent with established leadership principles? That's the question I've been posing to my parent audiences of late. I will ask an audience, "Do effective leaders talk a lot?" The answer is a resounding no. Then, "Do today's parents tend to talk a lot?" to which I obtain a resounding yes.

"Do effective leaders explain themselves a lot?" No. "Do today's parents explain themselves a lot?" Yes. I then point out that politicians, who do not generally make good leaders, talk and explain themselves a lot in an attempt to persuade and garner approval. Leaders just tell it like it is. Obviously, this is a generation of politician-parents.

"Do effective leaders become highly involved with the people they are charged with leading? Do they enter into intimate relationships with them?" No. Effective leaders understand that there must be a boundary between themselves and the people they lead. That boundary distinguishes them. It causes the led to look up, respect, admire. "Are today's parents highly involved and often found in intimate relationships with their kids?" Yes. The fact is that in most American families, the parent-child relationship is more active than the husband-wife relationship. As is often heard here in the South, "That jus' ain't raat." In all fairness, one cannot blame parents for the fact that there is no boundary between themselves and their kids. After all, the eradication of a parent-child boundary is exactly what most of the pundits have encouraged. Today's parents are even encouraged to believe that the marital bed should not be a boundary. (Please don't misunderstand me on this point. The parent-child boundary should be permeable, and moreso when a child is very young, but the boundary's permeability should always be controlled by the parent.)

"Do leaders say exactly what they mean and mean exactly what they say?" Yes. "Is this generally true of today's parents?" No. (At this point, I feel the need to reiterate that the people answering these questions are parents.)

I ask, "Are leaders always found at the center of attention in any organization?" Yes. "Who is at the center of attention in today's typical family?" Children. FACT: You cannot lead from anyplace other than the center. FACT: You cannot effectively lead someone who is at the center of your attention. FACT: A child will not pay sufficient attention to a parent who believes that good parenting is about paying as much attention as possible to the child. FACT: Today's parents have been led to believe exactly that.

The bad news is that homebased leadership deficiency disorder (LDD) is ubiquitous. The good news is that parents who are willing to emerge from denial and accept that whatever problems they are having with their kids are problems they have created are well on the way to solving those problems. Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

John K. Rosemond
www.sheridancountyjournalstar.com

Five Things Every Parent Should Beware of

Every parents encounter certain challenges in parenthood,some or many of which result from not taking note of some key issues that has the capacity to hinder successful parenting. The following five points have been identified as having the ability to cause persistent headache in parenting.

Depression:
Depression primarily refers to a state of mind that is purely negative, with an inclination to insufficiency and a hopeless lack of interest to do things.Coping with depression is possible without professional help if one knows depression management.

Getting Organized:
Parenting is a responsibility that is different from every other kind of duty or job. There will be a lot of changes and challenges, and getting organized is a priority that can not be substituted for any other.

Procrastination:
Procrastination is the biggest reason for loss of productivity and late output. Though many would not admit it, they would benefit greatly if they start their work on time.

Stress:
Anything taken too much is bad for the health. A little stress is actually good, as it could serve to help you function at your best. However, stress that seems a little too much could take a physical, as well as mental, toll to your body. Stress should be managed in order for depression or anxiety to be prevented.

Time Management:
Time management is about getting results, not about being busy.Having a balanced life-style should be the key result in having personal time management. Time management is basically about being focused. The Pareto Principle also known as the '80:20 Rule' states that 80% of efforts that are not time managed or unfocused generates only 20% of the desired output. However, 80% of the desired output can be generated using only 20% of a well time managed effort. Although the ratio '80:20' is only arbitrary, it is used to put emphasis on how much is lost or how much can be gained with time management.

Ilori Olalekan

Six Challenges of Parenting

Ever thought of parenting as a pleasure? Or have you ever thought of it as a hell of experience that a to-be father and mother must pass through? Though this might have been found as true, facing these challenges can be aided with someone been able to identify them ahead of time.

A parent that has been able to identify these challenges often go through parenting with much pleasure than pain as compared with parents that have no idea of any challenge that may come with parenting. Some of these parenting challenges come spontaneously while some can be foreseen and forestalled. While some of these Challenges come as a result of negligence and ignorance on part of both parents and grand parents many of these parenting challenges are unavoidable and unforeseeable.

The following challenge consists of both the ones that can be avoided or prepared for and the ones that may be sudden.

1. The Challenge of Pregnancy stress demands. Most parents(male) do not get themselves educated on the psychological and physical changes that the woman will go through during pregnancy. Such includes Swollen parts of the body, unusual demand for food, restlessness,...e.t.c. These challenge can be foreseen and prepared for by reading up books on parenting/pregnancy or joining parenting website membership sites

2. The challenge of delivery/labour pains. Many intending parents are ignorant of the pains, stress and troubles that often accompany delivery. Labour/Delivery lessons should be taken from a good counselor. Options of Cesarean section can be sought if need be. The parent(male) should get familiar with the demands of a woman in labour .

3.The challenge of Baby's feeding habit. These challenge can not be forseen,and may not be predictable. However some parents do have the challenge of the baby not feeding properly. The help of a medical practitioner will be needed if case arises.

4. The challenge of Poor Growth. These challenge also fall into the categories of those that can not be predicted. Whether a baby will grow fast or not cannot be determined before the baby is born or while the parents are growing up. However in cases where this occurs help can be sought from medical practitioners or advice sought from parents who have had similar experiences. Belonging to parenting membership sites can provide one with opportunity of meeting such parents.

5. The challenge of Low intelligent Quotient. These is another challenge that can't be predicted. the level of intelligence of the parent's baby in question,though can be influenced but can not be ultimately determined by the parents preparation. Several things can be done before birth to affect the baby's level of intelligence like, nutrition, mind exercise, exposing the pregnant parent(mother) to certain audio or video resources, e.t.c. However unpredictable this challenge might be, there are certain helps that can be done after the baby is born. Increasing the child genius by subscribing for services offered professionals can help along way in doing this.

6. The challenge of Baby-sitting. Babysitting has turned out to be a challenge faced by parents, especially first timer parents(parents just having their first baby). However this challenge can be foreseen and avoided by employing the services of a baby sitter or nanny. Parents also can get themselves familiar with this exercise before their baby arrives.

These is the final challenge that will be mentioned in this write up. Further challenges and solutions can be discovered with solutions also known by sharing experiences with other parents.

Ilori olalekan