Parenting Parents

Dear Carolyn,

My mom's been living alone since my dad died. I'm starting to worry about her. She forgets things and yesterday she forgot to lock the front door. I don't think she's eating some meals, either. Should I put her in a home or is there something else to try?
Signed: Parenting my own Parent


Dear Parenting my own Parent

Having to take care of your own parent is a scary thing. It's especially scary if your mom has been there for you for so many years and now she isn't.

There are a lot of things to consider before a nursing home. A recent study found that living with a partner reduces the risk of Alzheimer's and other dementia diseases by 50%! Widows and widowers who continued to live alone ran the greatest risk; they were six times more apt to show signs of Alzheimer's.

You didn't say how long it's been since your dad died. Has she grieved his loss? Is she ready to move on? If not, you could talk to her about finding a grieving group for her to join. Everybody needs to grieve losses if they want to move on.

If she's grieved, is she ready to find someone to share the rest of her life with? Maybe share the study about how it could reduce her risk of Alzheimer's with her. (See link below).

Maybe she's not ready to go that far, at least not yet. Encourage her to meet people her age, maybe through a religious, social or educational group. If she lives nearby, you could even invite three or four people her age to dinner or to play cards. Do family live near her that could help with this? Get them involved, too.

Here are some other things to consider: Encourage your mom to

* obtain counseling for unresolved grief or trauma
* attend social functions
* engage in intellectually stimulating activities such as doing crossword puzzles, reading, learning a language or other new information

For more about the study, click on:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080731073549.htm
Try some of these ideas and let me know how it goes…

by

Carolyn Chambers Clark